When the wind carries us... - from friendster blog (2005.10.15)

Usually I won't be seen hanging around doing nothing...

• But today is rather different, somehow it feels nice to do nothing. A couple of weeks has passed since I first posted something here. Well it is quite nice to stay away from the pc today. Our Intrams is now over, but I really learned a lot during that week of cheering for our team. It has been a while since I last shouted or screamed as loud as I could, so it was really fun doing it again. Last Sunday, it was rather fortunate that I was able to hear my sister play the piano again. I mean I haven't been that close to a piano since I quit playing it. And frankly, it didn't feel so good that I quit playing it, along with quitting violin and leaving our choir, just because school was demanding too much from me. I find it kind of selfish of me not to organize myself and find time for those things and still find time to get a hold of the computer and play ragnarok or watch television. So last Thursday, I felt happy touching the violin again and playing the piano without any hesitation of anyone hearing me. I didn't want anyone to show me how awful I played it, or how good they could play it, but at that time, I didn't care. I couldn't care less what they would think or feel... I guess I just missed it so much. So then since that day I tried to relive the songs I used to know and I found out I still know them. I mean I still know the songs my siblings used to play while I was waiting for them to finish. It was like that a long time ago, I would spend a few hours playing in our neighbor's backyard while they had their lessons. I missed it so much I couldn't let go of the memories. But unfortunately things happen... time passes us by and we grow out of our old faces. And also, we often forget to thank all the people around us, for everything they have done for us, just because I believe everything, every event, every person and every opportunity, plays a big role in all of our lives. Then when we learn that we could have acted better or treated them better, everything would have been alright, we start to remember these times. There are other times that it is too late, but some might say it is never over until you say it is over.
  
• Well, before that week I never really found my former classmate, as a person I could really relate to. But when she was the only one I could talk to when everyone else was so busy, I found out she was a great friend and I missed a whole year spending time with her. That is why I believe time passed by so fast that sometimes the wind carries us away from it. Well I guess that's part of life... but well I surely would have loved to know her better.
  
• So then I would procceed with what I did today. It was boring as usual, but I never expected a few minutes of my time to mean so much. When I went up to the fourth floor to watch the sunset or simply cool down a bit, I remembered the times I went up there. I remembered everything I disliked about my life before, then I wondered how much I've changed since I last went there. It was quite inspiring to see the sun, the clouds and mostly the sky. Everything was clear, even my mind, and everything seemed simple enough. As I went up to the water tank where there were no steel bars, or a roof, I remembered the Saturday nights I spent there, praying and doing nothing else but thinking and looking at the houses below. A little while ago, I didn't care about school, I didn't care about anything, I was just staring at the sky, wishing I could look at it forever... So when I went up, I didn't think of "what if I fall" or "what if I slip" I just went up for the sake of looking at the sky. I just went there and relax a bit. I was rather mentally exhausted by the perio week, but it felt good that I was up there, not in my room playing ragnarok, or cramming stuff, or using the internet. I was just there... When I was about to go down, I was a bit scared of course, I wasn't really inclined to going down from high places. Then I though to myself "why are we so afraid to go down?" Going down means a lot of things, figuratively the business part, or the falling from a building part, or the falling of grades part. It was really puzzling why... I mean it was so easy to go up, right? We actually want to go up, but then why resist going down? Why do every bad thing just to prevent us from falling? If you think about it, sometimes it isn't easy to go up once you are down, but didn't we all come from the down part? So why was I all bugged out about grades, when I knew that there is still a chance to raise it up again? I guess it is me, but then rationally, it isn't right to sulk about it that much.
  

So then I guess I would have to end this post again... and of course get on with school "again." 'Till next time then... btw: my last line is awkward, it is subject to change ^_^
~...sometimes time just passes us by...
...then some things happen...
...so we wonder why...
...and sometimes we feel broken...~