Vaguely answering... - from friendster blog (2006.01.20)

~It's been over a month now and this is the first time i've posted something for january... well other than my tribute to jelle, which is kind of weird because i started writing that around december of last year and i can't seem to finish it... =D. Anyway, i can't really remember everything that happened within the past month or so, but i could tell of what recently happened... anyway i'll start from a summary of the first few days...

• uhm well... i didn't actually want to go to school just yet, i guess its because i wasn't able to do what i planned on doing, like reading the Lord of the Flies.. which is by the way due next week, then about the Tech Skills chimes project, i wasn't really able to do it well, i mean it looks awful, well that is what i think it looks like... anyway, a few of the over the vacation requirements kept me up till late 4 am in the morning... err... then i was really undecided on what to do, how to do things and many others, maybe because i was really upset about the perio last year...or other things that i think made me feel dissapointed in myself... i'm not really sure =D but well i guess i was only stressed so much about not doing what i was supposed to do... =D and well the first few days were fun, i really enjoyed it, or partly, but still the first subject of the year - drafting - made me feel much better because it was our first walkout of the year!! lol.. anyway... too much of that said, i mean i really tried to do the things i planned, but.. somehow i didn't like it so much... maybe the thing someone told me was really true, that when its the beginning of a year, people tend to do as they planned, but later on, when they realize that the year is almost ending, everything is concentrated on the holiday season... well at least it was kind of true for me.. =D
  Hmm.. okay so after the first week, the second week... uhm there were so many requirements and besides the second week was the school FAIR..well at least two days were partly fair days and one saturday was turned into a Concert day... =D our class set up a booth that does these favors for other people, well actually we were called slaves.. lol, my classmates use double meanings for that, but then i can't really blame them.. anyway, the first two hours in the schedule set up by our president, was my group's shift... but since we had class for the first subject, we were cut short to 8:20-9:00 am as the booth facilitators... but anyway, they still had to set up the booth, post some things and also, it was so hot that morning, so we ended up leaving our booth for some shade. I actually didn't like that thursday morning just because we had to take the Practical Exam for Basketball in PE =( and naturally, i wasn't any good at it.. as with any other sport XD... then... the YFC in Pisay had a gathering... uhm although i'm not really active in any club.. 'cause i don't have any... i would want to be active in YFC there, uhm but other requirements demand too much of my time and i regret to have missed the YFC meeting last 01/18... anyway, the rest of the day seemed boring although i wasn't able to eat.. and i forgot my cellphone, so i was really bored 'cause i didn't know what time i was going home... other than not being able to go home, i got really dizzy, i guess it was because i wasn't able to eat lunch.. ehehe... and because i was waiting for around 4 hours... from 2 pm to 6 pm... hmm.. but anyway, the second day of the fair was much better, i really liked it maybe because we had a free cut for our first subject - Geom - then the fair started much better and i didn't need to do anything else.. other than the evaluation of our group work in fil, then taking our group's shift at 12-2 pm.. =D hmm.. i had fun talking to Je, maybe because i really missed ragnarok, and well we had a lot to talk about it =) hehe then, after that i think i spent around 30 mins lining up at the Zagu stall because it was so hot, then afterwards ate and then it started to rain... the rain was odd because the sun was still shining while it was raining.. well at least i thought it was still so bright.. =D after that, my best friend Angelica asked me to be her slave, just so that she could talk to me.. lol, she was practically wasting her money on wanting to talk to me or something... and i was really a lousy slave, i mean i couldn't do much, but they didn't bother... so i spent most of my time with the jade people and mostly with Arcie.. =D after that, i had this ORI reunion with some more jade people... i really missed them, i guess it was because i used to hang out after school and have ORI classes / bonding times =D so i really enjoyed that time with them... then we went biking under the rain... / droplets of rain... =D it was really fun because basically, i didn't know how to ride a bike... kind of embarrasing but its true... and i can only ride the trike.. but anyway =D after that my mother picked me up late again...late because i didn't really want to watch the battle of the bands, although i'm a little interested in knowing what kind of bands there are in our school =D so with that time... i spent it mostly with Jaja... and of course her friends... erm, i don't really know her friends so well but they're nice and well i kind of think it was hard for me to stay with them because they knew each other pretty well already... and maybe because i had a different section in the first year =D.. well i guess that ends most of the good things in the best fair day for me... =) the last day of the fair was saturday... actually i missed going to clark with my mom and dad, for the YFC gathering or something... and besides i really thought that was only for the leaders.. anyway, i went to school early because my father had to go to school and everyone else was gone... thankfully, i was able to do something other than stare in cold space all day long... Sylvia and I did part of our chem report, which was reported on 19..., and after that i was able to see Arcie and most of the jade people.. i really forgot that we were supposed to go to Kat's house for the celebration of her birthday, but then after being reminded, i just went along with them. somehow i felt uneasy because i was with most of the members of an old "barkada" and i kind of felt left out.. but i just had to go on with it cause i was already there... =D in her house, we ate and then drank wine.. i thought that might make me sleepy, but then it didn't and so when we went back to school, i was with Arcie most of the time... I spent some time with her and strolled around =D After that... the concert was supposed to start at 5, which was then delayed to around 6... I asked my sister to come along... i dunno why, but i guess i felt that she was the one who knew most of what the bands were like.. and i guess she partially wanted to go too... =D i dunno.. i mean it was at that time that i left the jade people and accompanied my sister.. =) It was nice to be with her... without her worrying so much... and i hope it did help her somehow... =)
• So that was my day at saturday... on sunday i really had a lot to cram.. basically it was about soc sci, geom and algeb i think... but i was able to do them anyway.. =) erm... there was one thing that really bothered me... it was about what my mother said that she wanted for me to join singing contests...? LOL... i would say never... as for i don't have the courage, nor the talent to do so... i dunno, i've been thinking about it and i still haven't come up with a conclusion as to what i want to be yet... that's because i want to study first.. i kind of have a slow pace on things... i plan one by one, as for each quarter, i plan on DL per quarter, a specific grade per quarter, but nothing more than that... oh yeah and during mass, the priest said the gospel and it was about the time Jesus talked to the people and said that the only ones who can enter His kingdom are those who childishly acts towards heaven... erm... childishly acting has something to do with 4 things... or at least that is how I remember it... 1) being simple, 2) being someone who is easy to teach, 3) being trusting, 4) being forgiving... these things seem simple enough... and at first i even thought of what about responsibility, respect... and everything else...? but then i guess those things won't matter much... oh and being simple means that you are straight at what you are trying to say, you express your feelings without much hesitation and everything else...; then being someone who is easy to teach is like being someone who accepts his / her own faults and readily acts to change them by listening to others... i kind of lack this, somehow... that's because i find myself very hostile when someone tells me what to do... erm that's at home anyway... then about being simple, i really am not... i tend to expand the matter first before getting to the punchline, but then i'll try... somehow...; hmm... about being trusting.. i remember i trust very easily when i was young.. and yeah i guess i trust people right now, even though i often doubt them... or analyze them first before trusting them right away...; lastly, being forgiving... hmm... uhm i dunno, i don't want to keep grudges on people... i really don't, and besides i would feel hurt myself if i wasn't forgiven, so i naturally will forgive that person, whether or not it takes a long time... =D
• hmm... so this is kind of getting too long of a post... but i just want to express one last thought... i mean the title always has something to do with what i have to say here... so yeah it really does... "vaguely answering..." tells of how i used to interpret the topic Angelica, Arcie and I talked about during one of our bonding times.. or rather boring times... =D... i used to vaguely answer the question about destiny, fate and of course coincidences... i mean before talking to them, i really did think everything was planned... i thought everything wasn't just a coincidence and i thought there is nothing like "a destiny"... or in other words, it does not exist for me... what exists is a plan well set-up for us to follow into and realize that it is meant to be... to think of it, everything is meant to be.. every situation leads to decisions, which leads to consequences, then new situations... what Angelica added to my thought is that we are free to choose... we are given the freedom to choose and with every choice we make, is a specific plan set into place... or a consequence... then, i also realized that we keep saying God has a plan for us, without definitely describing it.. uhm yeah i know nobody needs to describe it, nobody needs to know the reason why.. but it helps for someone to build faith in something that has been well thought of....erm.. i think i lost myself there, anyway, I'm just trying to say that this plan that God set for us isn't "the only" plan, but it is "the best" plan and with that is why we try to change ourselves into "the best" we think we should be... i just think i want for you to know that you can freely choose, but don't regret... then if you start to regret a decision.. try to find "the best" plan that could be seen from the consequences of your actions... (labo..)
• hmm then the third week... erm it started not so nice... but then i had a shoutout saying "omg.. soo happy" and "omg... still soo happy" its just because i recently found out that my average increased (even though i really thought it was the worst quarter as compared to the other 2) and i'm happy just to be in the Director's List for the third quarter... but somehow i just hope i could reach DL again in the last quarter... for this last quarter is what matters most =D... erm.. but really i can't help but think why i strive hard to study...since Angelica talked to me just before i went home today and told me she was studying to get a better life than her father did...just because this was what her father wanted... and i... on the other hand, i'm not forced to get high grades.. i'm not forced to work too hard.. but still i happen to work that much and still get sick of how less i work... and how lazy i am... it could be that i have a high expectation of myself... or maybe i just have a different definition of high grades... and i think of myself too little... =D anyway, i wouldn't want to mess with how i think right now 'cause it might get tiring.. =D oh yeah and we talked about what clubs we were going to take next year... okay i just want to include this so that i have a written / typed copy of a promise i made.. lol... erm i promised to try out laab (just to be able to learn soccer), himig agham (erm... that was my first year promise... so i can't really change it), inkwell (well it depends on what happens when i join and what i'm supposed to do), astrosoc (i really like astronomy, but sadly i don't know a thing about it, so i want to "try" joining astrosoc just to learn more about astronomy), then SCA (just so that i could officially be part of YFC... or at least be able to interact that way =D)... erm anyway... that's all for now i guess.. much of this week's activities won't matter much for anyone... =)
  anyway.. some extra things...
• jelle... i really miss you.. and i thank you for putting a comment in my story.. i'm sorry if it isn't so good.. or if i couldn't finish it well... =D btw... nice to chat with you again... and i'll try to find out about that season 2 of Ultra Maniac.. but i doubt it because it seems like this is one of those anime shows that contain only a few scenes and isn't really for many seasons.. =D besides... the story ended there already.. although Tsujai and nina seems to have a good love story that is yet to be seen =D
• Tammy... thanks for giving me your pics... ill post my fav =D hehe =) then... its nice to chat with you too.. its sad i can't support your monk... although i really want to help with levelling your char =) btw... you're still so cute (kawaii...) ^_^~

~well then there... i guess i was able to update this after all =D uhm.. i kind of wish i was able to keep things clear... if not... please just tell me =D
~take care, God Bless and Pray always!!!... erm 'till next time then!!