The Driving Force...
I've heard of the term "driving force" a many times before, but I thought about it's meaning...just recently. I heard it from the anime "Fullmetal Alchemist"... and as I have understood, it meant something like the reason that wills you to strive for something. In the homunculus' case, I guess it's the memories of their past life, or the life they were designed from... and for my case... it's simpler and yet it does the same. (btw.. I dunno if this is a good introduction, but please bear with it)
I've always thought of my studies as a kind of work... a responsibility I strive to succeed in. No matter how I interpret it, I've decided to continue with it. With the question my former classmate asked me before, I really wasn't able to give it much an answer, or rather an explanation. I'm sure not everything can be explained, and some are even much better off without explanations...however, as a rational person, I find it hard to look into something without the proper explanation or even the slightest bit of thought of it. This habit, or maybe... just a desire, for finding an explanation is probably the first reason why we overlook many things. We overlook because we are trying to find the wrong thing -an explanation- and afterwards, we commit a lot of mistakes because of overlooking. I'm not quite sure of the outcome of this overlooking and finding process, but it is kind of parallel to the occurrence of a lost key. The key is lost because other thoughts filled the person's mind and the key cannot be found because the person is either preoccupied with something else, thinking of where he went wrong in placing the item, or other reasons. Then, the person who is likely to find it, is the one who decides to help that person and isn't preoccupied by the mistake of misplacing it.
My classmate asked me a question about why I was doing what I was doing. My first impulse was to think... can my mind come up with an answer to that? The next impulse was... asking her what was it that I was doing that I needed to justify in front of her? She answered undecided... and turned to the topic of why I was studying when I clearly tell people of not liking it? WHY STUDY when one DESPISES of it? In my mind.... I wasn't able to point out the reason. Why was it? However, I ended that topic to the thought that I was kind of lax in what I was doing... that I wasn't really into it.... and that I wasn't really doing it for the sake of doing it. Those might be the wrong reasons... and indeed they are... for we, as scholars, should be enthusiastic of studying, of learning and of finding out. Whatever that might imply, the only thing I know is that I'm doing as I do because my mind thinks it is the best to do.
Now before this part of the blog turns to... the reason why it's called "the driving force..." I'll tell a few more instances about my school life. It would seem pretty boring, and pretty tiring, if you don't mind, that I spent my days, or rather the two years of my life -including a few moments during my elementary years- and that I am spending the rest in studying. (to shorten that line.. "It would seem pretty boring that I spent my days in studying") I like school a bit... I mean I'm not willing to go to school just because I have a crush or anything (if that were the case I think I'd rather stay home and watch anime...) but then it's kind of because I want to learn. I want to learn but I don't like exams. I've already discussed that point with Lara, and believe me it's true. I have a feeling a lot of people don't like exams too.... no matter how much that exam will improve the person, I have a feeling no one can exactly measure the extent of the human brain and it's devotedness to one subject. However, I am not to follow concerning these rules and so my life filled with tests goes on... How I deal with these tests? I don't exactly know... let me describe it... hmm... I believe it is quite dependent on my mood... or actually let me just describe the situation. At home, when I know there's a long test, I read my notes, rewrite it if I please, or read a few examples of mine if I'm really tired... or there are a lot of times I plan my cramming time. :D At school, it's quite different... whenever I have a break or lunch time and the long test is coming up, I'd study my notes again... reread it, not rewrite it, try a few examples but not read a book.... or I'd discuss it with my friends. That's my life... that's how I deal with it.
Right now... or maybe not now... but after writing/typing this... I think I'll return to my room, be very sleepy but still try and try and try to figure out the good in my physics thing. I'm quite driven actually.... I dunno. You'd mistake me for a gc (grade conscious) but I tell you... what if 1/3 of your class actually found this one test interestingly easy? And you... found it difficult no matter how you looked at it? What if that class of yours was said to be the one with many intelligent people? How would you feel flunking the class of those highly known to be great? I dunno... you'd think I'm overreacting or rather just scared...but I think there is a driving force somewhere here. The pressure does not solely come from the class I'm in... neither does it solely come from my grade in that test... It kind of comes from the situation that I previously had a good grade and I'm afraid of replacing that with a very very low one... :( and that my classmates, including most of the people I hang out with, all have very high grades, and that...that last chem long test, which I seriously studies for... but failed to study for during the day itself... went well... My capabilities... including my previous success... and the improvement of many of the people around me... cause a force... all those cause "the driving force"
I've always thought of my studies as a kind of work... a responsibility I strive to succeed in. No matter how I interpret it, I've decided to continue with it. With the question my former classmate asked me before, I really wasn't able to give it much an answer, or rather an explanation. I'm sure not everything can be explained, and some are even much better off without explanations...however, as a rational person, I find it hard to look into something without the proper explanation or even the slightest bit of thought of it. This habit, or maybe... just a desire, for finding an explanation is probably the first reason why we overlook many things. We overlook because we are trying to find the wrong thing -an explanation- and afterwards, we commit a lot of mistakes because of overlooking. I'm not quite sure of the outcome of this overlooking and finding process, but it is kind of parallel to the occurrence of a lost key. The key is lost because other thoughts filled the person's mind and the key cannot be found because the person is either preoccupied with something else, thinking of where he went wrong in placing the item, or other reasons. Then, the person who is likely to find it, is the one who decides to help that person and isn't preoccupied by the mistake of misplacing it.
My classmate asked me a question about why I was doing what I was doing. My first impulse was to think... can my mind come up with an answer to that? The next impulse was... asking her what was it that I was doing that I needed to justify in front of her? She answered undecided... and turned to the topic of why I was studying when I clearly tell people of not liking it? WHY STUDY when one DESPISES of it? In my mind.... I wasn't able to point out the reason. Why was it? However, I ended that topic to the thought that I was kind of lax in what I was doing... that I wasn't really into it.... and that I wasn't really doing it for the sake of doing it. Those might be the wrong reasons... and indeed they are... for we, as scholars, should be enthusiastic of studying, of learning and of finding out. Whatever that might imply, the only thing I know is that I'm doing as I do because my mind thinks it is the best to do.
Now before this part of the blog turns to... the reason why it's called "the driving force..." I'll tell a few more instances about my school life. It would seem pretty boring, and pretty tiring, if you don't mind, that I spent my days, or rather the two years of my life -including a few moments during my elementary years- and that I am spending the rest in studying. (to shorten that line.. "It would seem pretty boring that I spent my days in studying") I like school a bit... I mean I'm not willing to go to school just because I have a crush or anything (if that were the case I think I'd rather stay home and watch anime...) but then it's kind of because I want to learn. I want to learn but I don't like exams. I've already discussed that point with Lara, and believe me it's true. I have a feeling a lot of people don't like exams too.... no matter how much that exam will improve the person, I have a feeling no one can exactly measure the extent of the human brain and it's devotedness to one subject. However, I am not to follow concerning these rules and so my life filled with tests goes on... How I deal with these tests? I don't exactly know... let me describe it... hmm... I believe it is quite dependent on my mood... or actually let me just describe the situation. At home, when I know there's a long test, I read my notes, rewrite it if I please, or read a few examples of mine if I'm really tired... or there are a lot of times I plan my cramming time. :D At school, it's quite different... whenever I have a break or lunch time and the long test is coming up, I'd study my notes again... reread it, not rewrite it, try a few examples but not read a book.... or I'd discuss it with my friends. That's my life... that's how I deal with it.
Right now... or maybe not now... but after writing/typing this... I think I'll return to my room, be very sleepy but still try and try and try to figure out the good in my physics thing. I'm quite driven actually.... I dunno. You'd mistake me for a gc (grade conscious) but I tell you... what if 1/3 of your class actually found this one test interestingly easy? And you... found it difficult no matter how you looked at it? What if that class of yours was said to be the one with many intelligent people? How would you feel flunking the class of those highly known to be great? I dunno... you'd think I'm overreacting or rather just scared...but I think there is a driving force somewhere here. The pressure does not solely come from the class I'm in... neither does it solely come from my grade in that test... It kind of comes from the situation that I previously had a good grade and I'm afraid of replacing that with a very very low one... :( and that my classmates, including most of the people I hang out with, all have very high grades, and that...that last chem long test, which I seriously studies for... but failed to study for during the day itself... went well... My capabilities... including my previous success... and the improvement of many of the people around me... cause a force... all those cause "the driving force"
posted by angel_up3 at 9:08 PM
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