Nothing new...(2006.03.21-22)

For starters... uhm most of what happened for these two days were pretty much the same as what happened on 2006.03.20...well what can I say.. I lead a pretty boring life.

• Okay then... 2006.03.21... tuesday... naturally I updated my blog soo early in the morning.. but anyway... same old same old with the afternoon... btw.. I woke up at around 1:30 pm... I really did plan to sleep early before that but.. I guess I made a list of all the anime stuffies I would want to put in my new blog "teshinouyuki.." anyway... I slept....uhm...late because I wanted to do something for lara. I mean she still had her exams and then a few more projects to finish..so I wanted to help her out while she was doing her exams. I didn't know what else to do that day..but to make it worthwhile I did that for lara. I actually just research pictures for her social studies project..pictures of people with certain illnesses.
• Now for the wednesday... I slept at around 3:00 am after sending the pictures to her email (lara) and then... well I woke up at 1:00 pm (12:53 was what my phone said...but anyway) then.. I just dozed off to do much of the same things... oh and today I found out that "The Prince of Tennis" plays from 4:00 pm - 4:30 pm... same time as "Card Captor Sakura" and "Demon Eyes Kyo" so it wasn't boring during the commercial breaks. Oh....and last thing.. this day was filled with my new hairstyle.. uhm I'm trying to pick up something to do with my hair to keep it up since the summer is soooooo hot... and well my hair is knee-length...so I tried to tie it up (uhm somehow..) with chopsticks.. anyway.. I'll try to take a picture.. but I tell you it's humiliating as it is.. anyway.. next time then... I'll just try to do something about the layout.. then the new blog "teshinouyuki"

Err.. I dunno what else to say.. but then I do hope this short entry is quite fine..because I already indicated the uhm like schedule of the animes I watch daily.. oh and lastly... "Otogi Zoshi - The Legend of Magatama" plays at the same time slot of "Alice Academy" but its for tuesdays....and well that's what I watch tuesday 7:00 pm - 8:00 pm. Thankies!

Rubik's cube?... (2006.03.20)

I've never been really fond of the rubik's cube... as for I never wanted to spend my time trying to figure it out... I mean it is all written in the sheet of paper that you find with the rubik's cube when you buy it right?...so what for? That is until I got to see this weird.. uhm not weird but different type of rubik's cube. I'll show you a picture once I could get a digi cam.. but anyway I'm in a rush.

Okay so with this post, I'm just going to talk about one day... as in this Monday, March 20.

• Early in the morning, as in 12:01 am...until my sleeping time, I checked out my blogger and naturally posted something worthwhile.. that is about the week before now. But eventually I got tired doing it.. I mean it was past but recalling it takes a lot of time.. and typing takes up much of my time as well. Anyway... I always checked the clock and well.. I kind of remembered I wanted to watch something (Fushigi Yuugi replays from episodes 11-15, @ 11 pm - 1:30 am...animax) but then I already watched those episodes during the daily viewing (weekdays @ 6 pm; replays @ 9 pm and 12 am....animax)...some of them twice even. So then I got really into what I was typing and well... you could say it took me such a long time...I haven't even finished it yet. Anyway, I went downstairs to get some food (the pc with the internet is located in the second floor...my brother's room) and well I opened the tv.. I remember it was around 2 am already... that's cause the show "Candidate for Goddess" (it plays at about 30 mins per week so I kind of knew it replayed during Mondays @ 1:30 am - 2 am...animax) just ended.. and well I then picked up some snacks and ate it while watching tv ("Brain Powerd" was showing at that time; viewing time is during Sundays @ 9 pm-10 pm; replays on Mondays @ 2 am - 3 am and 1 pm - 2 pm...animax). In the middle of the show I got bored at watching it so I turned it off and proceeded with my sleep (naturally that would happen since I already watched the episodes during the 9 pm viewing and way back...it was the first 2 episodes I watched completely).
  With an encounter late at night (or too early in the morning), it would have been obvious that I would fall asleep in my bed..which did happen. And also, I didn't wake up as early as I wanted to... because I planned to go to school. Anyway, I woke up around 3 times before I stood up and went downstairs to refreshen myself (my room is in the third floor.. so imagine if I was still sleepy and I went downstairs...). I woke up once because I thought it was sooo late.. and twice because someone woke me up to check if I was going to school at that time or not... (my mother asked one of her Couples For Christ members to take care of the house during the day in return for a loan in money or something...it's not soo clear to me but she takes good care of much of the household work when my mom isn't around). Okay then.. officially, I woke up at 10:30 (btw sometimes my timing is wrong.. this 10:30 is actually 10:15 at the moment because my clock is 15 mins advanced...hehe). I then noticed my cellphone didn't have space for any messages.. (my phone is an old model...Nokia 5110 actually... and well my sim card can only store about 25 messages... so I saves only one space for incoming messages and well the rest were filled with quotes.. mostly from lara and rodz) so I picked it up only to see one of my classmates texted me asking about the clearance... (it was Bab asking if the dental and medical would clear by section...) anyway, after that I really can't remember the incoming texts.. but well I went downstairs anyway... Before going downstairs.. well I kind of felt hot... not soo hot.. but not warm either (I differentiate warm as kind of not so cold but not steaming hot... and hot as.. well as being engulfed by a steam engine... well not really... but somehow I know it's hot when I start to perspire..) and I kind of just felt that there was this lining of me that felt like it had a different temperature than my immediate environment. I guess I get it from the on and off feeling of my "almost fever" (sinat in tagalog). I didn't really watch anything in particular.. or I can't remember so much of it... so anyway I proceed with the afternoon...
• That afternoon was when I got a hold of the rubik's cube my sister uses for her math subject.. she said they needed to solve the rubik's cube (normal rubik's cube) to pass an exam of theirs... and well I thought it was pure rubbish...useless maybe.... Anyway... I kind of got interested in this weird rubik's cube (to describe it, it has 6 colors...namely red, yellow, orange, blue, white and green... it has 30 tiles made up of white, blue, green and yellow... then 16 tiles made up of only orange and red... the orange and red tiles are formed by big and small triangles....) cause it looked weird.. and I found out it could form a cube (at first I saw it... it wasn't a cube... it had spikes and all.. weird really) so I played with it up until I typed this. I moved it while watching tv.. (not while eating...) and while waiting for the internet to come back. Hm... well I named this post "Rubik's cube?..." because my whole day.. well roughly the whole day was spent in figuring the rubik's cube out (I wasn't even able to understand it.. and I wasn't able to solve it..) and well... it had a question mark because I asked my sister what it was called and she doesn't know... I mean I checked the internet for possible pictures of the thing when I typed rubik's cube.. but nothing came up... not a single picture... Anyway, after I ate... I texted one of my classmates about the clearance thing... (I texted our president... Marvin) and I found out he didn't go to the school that morning... so I thought I wouldn't go to school that day... just because I got too tired... (I guess... I mean I didn't need to do anything... I wasn't responsible for anything anyway...) then.. I went upstairs to check out if the episodes 1 and 2 of "Alice Academy" (it shows during Mondays @ 7 pm - 8 pm; replays on Tuesdays @ 1:30 am - 2:30 am and 1:00 pm - 2:00 pm.. and some other time slots during the weekends...animax) since I wasn't able to start the first episode. Unfortunately, the replay that time was Brain Powerd and so I just tried to find something else to watch. Anyway I tuned in to Hero channel since I wanted to watch Inuyasha (shows weekdays @ 7 am - 7:30 am, 1:30 pm - 2:00 pm and 8:00 pm - 8:30 pm...hero) at an earlier time... just because sometimes I can't watch it at 8 pm. After that.. it was 2 pm and I went to the pc room (my brother's room) to check if nobody was using the pc. And I was in luck!... anyway... I went to first check friendster (I always do.. when I have internet... I dunno why but I got so used to it) then to check my mail (to see if there are any camia announcements)...then turn to ym (I go invisible mode to see if I got offline messages...) and a new addition was... blogspot.com... I wanted to finish the other messages but well... I got tired of it! I spent the whole afternoon (at least from 2 pm - 4:30 pm) finding the right MIDI file of my favorite songs... but anyway I got the summer theme from Boys Be and it sounded fine (it was for my friendster profile... I kind of wanted for people to hear Chiisa na Tegami.. my favorite song for now.. or Modoranai no Hibi... or any other song by CooRie... but since no one would understand it so much since it was in japanese..~neither do I understand it.~...I thought of it just being the melody.. so I wanted the MIDI..). Then the internet wasn't running so well.. so much of my time was in refreshing the pages... then.. well... I noticed it was 4:27 or so.. and I wanted to watch "Card Captor Sakura (Season 2)" (it plays weekdays @ 4:00 pm - 4:30 pm and 8:30 pm - 9:00 pm...animax) or I could have watched my second choice.. which was "Samurai Deeper Kyo" (it plays weekdays @ 4:00 pm - 4:30 pm and 10:30 pm - 11 pm...and well I forgot the morning time... surely it could be 9:30 am - 10 am or 10 am - 10:30 am.. not sure...time check 2006.03.24 11:12 pm edited... "Samurai Deeper Kyo" not "Demon Eyes Kyo" lolx). But well I didn't so I went on to find other shows... I dunno how I was able to let time pass by until it was 5 pm.. (it must have been the tv shows in nickelodeon.. or the songs in mtv, myx and others... like zpdee and linktv) then.. I realized (around 5:15 pm) that when I looked at the clock.. I remembered I was supposed to watch "The Prince of Tennis" (I just know the schedule as everyday...monday to sunday @ 4:30 pm - 5 pm...Qtv...time check 2006.03.22 4:35 pm...edit! schedule is 4:00pm- 4:30 pm..usually it starts 4:10 or 4:05....Qtv)...I really hated that I forgot it because I wanted to see how the doubles match of the golden pair went...(even though I barely know a thing about the anime). Anyway... at that time.. I watched "Monkey Typhoon" (it shows weekdays @ 5:00 pm – 5:30 pm; replays @ 9:30 am – 10 am and 10:30 pm– 11:00 pm…animax) instead.. it was out of desperation that I went on and watched it.. but anyway… at 5:30 pm I watched “Flame of Recca” (it shows weekdays @ 5:30 pm – 6:00 pm; replays @ 9:30 pm – 10:00 pm and 10:00 am – 10:30 am…animax)… then I watched “Fushigi Yuugi”…then “Detective Conan” (it shows weekdays @ 6:30 pm – 7:00 pm, replays @ 12:30 am – 1:00 am.. and some in the weekends…animax) (all these were watched in the living room) then I went on to watch “Alice Academy” (I watched it in the second floor.. my parents’ room)… then I went downstairs to eat dinner.
• After dinner, I went to check out what I missed in “Emma – A Victorian Romance” (it shows Mondays @ 8:00 pm – 8:30 pm; replays on Tuesdays @ 1:00 am – 1:30 am and 10:30 am – 11:00 am, then on Saturdays @ 6:30 pm – 7:00 pm and 11:30 pm – 12:00 am…animax)… I think I missed around 15 mins of it.. but anyway it was fine. After that I watched “Card Captor Sakura” then “Fushigi Yuugi” again.. just because the one I watched at 6:00 pm seemed to be a replay.. I mean it was still episode 15.. as I recall the events… and rant rant.. it was a replay =(… Anyway.. after that I didn’t intend to stay around for the replay of “Flame of Recca” so I went downstairs and watched a little of “Princess Lulu” (it shows weekdays @ 9:15 -30 pm – 10:00 pm…it ranges…abs-cbn)…then after that we watched Pinoy Big Brother (shows weekdays… I dunno… but then we only watch it @ 10:00 pm – 11:00 pm…abs-cbn)…I watched it until 10:30.. then I watched “Demon Eyes Kyo”… then believe it or not.. I started typing this… well I dunno if you’ve noticed but this has been 4 pages long already (in Microsoft word.. because the internet didn’t respond when I was still typing it…. So I’m making sure this is going to be saved properly). Okay then… I plan to… uhm sleep after I post this.. and well see yah!

Well then… I suppose I should end this. Now if you’ve noticed I wrote all the replays and stuff.. I dunno why… some of them I memorized.. some not…and I refer to the animax schedule for the month to see if I’m right.. but for the other channels… well I have to rely on myself for that. Anyway… I think by now you think I’m a tv addict… anime addict… and well you’re quite right. During the summer days, I live for the anime I missed the year and well the new things as well… (I don’t think I missed much.. since I do watch them everyday…even with final exams!)…but anyway.. it’s been such a horrible life this way… it’s soo boring at home you know. But I can’t blame boredom so much because I chose this life… I know there are more things to do than this.. and yet I persist upon it… like I said to lara… ‘it’s not that we don’t have anything else to do, it’s just that we prefer to watch anime as it is..’ and well… it’s like I want to know what will happen next… it actually agrees with the article we read in our English perio exam… that the television does not satisfy us.. because we keep watching it… that’s because we keep wanting to see more of the show than we really can…

Just not feeling so well... (2006.03.13-19)

Nobody knows how weak I am until I show it... nobody will understand until I let them... and most of all... nobody can see me the way I want them to...for they will surely look their way and understand me however they please... ~then...to make things clear... almost nobody is what I'm reffering to as "nobody"

• Just recently...uhm which was exactly on March 14, our class had an overnight at my house. We planned for a non-stop movie mania and well it didn't last the whole morning because we still did want to go to school to complete our clearance. I dunno... they just told me we were going to have an overnight when I was in school that monday. Actually... I was late in coming to school because I needed to finish / re-do our tech skills project since I slept on it that sunday night (again!). I came to school around 9-9:30 am.. then went to the registrars office to accompany our class secretary (anna lynn) in getting the clearance forms. When we reached the fourth floor...because we didn't find our classmates in the back lobby... we found that our class was cleaning the chairs for the geometry clearance. Our geometry teacher (Ma'am Yuhico) said that we two were late and suddenly asked why we were late...then we replied with we went to the registrars for the clearance forms (which was true..). Then she said we shouldn't help with the chairs and we should clean the floor instead...she was laughing a bit...but then since I didn't know what to do, I simply tried to help. I helped a bunch of people (namely... Ada, Sylvia and Shiny) cleaning one chair... Anyway... it went well because the teacher then included me with the cleaners for the morning... then...our class (camia) proceeded with cleaning the chem room. We went to the chemistry lab (located in the ASTB...different from the fourth floor which I referred to...because it is in SHB..science and humanities building) and there we were asked to clean at about 10-11. Naturally we finished early... around 30 minutes earlier so we went on to whatever we needed to do. Then I heard there was a "bonus" film viewing that was given by our computer science teacher (Ma'am Avancena) to another section (Champaca) and so some of the camia people went and watched it just for the bonus. The movie was about to end when we got there... or at least halfway (I really couldn't tell... you can't tell when you're not watching the thing anyway!). I sat in the back because most of the peeps there were champaca students and well the camia students were in the back. I couldn't relate to anything that was shown in the film since I could barely hear it but then I talked to one of my classmates (Mikee) about ragnarok. It seems he knows a lot about it and well it so sucks that I couldn't play any more just because I got hacked...but somehow I'm thankful for it... super! Anyway, during the film, I asked about the camia outing, since the year ended already and some of our classmates were going back to their provinces after the clearance week. At first they talked about a party in one of my classmate's house (Don), but then the topic neared in again to visiting my house... I thought it was a joke.. but anyway I took it seriously and naturally said they could come... First thing I needed to do was to invite the people.. then to set-up the place (the fourth floor of the extension of our house), which included asking my mom if it was alright and if she could order food. I did it through text and well I didn't know what my mom felt... at least I knew some of my classmates said that they thought my parents were sick of hearing our class coming over...since it's the 2nd camia party and some of them already went overnight 2 times. I dunno... I feel just fine for the camia party because I wanted to spend the last moments with them with as much fun as I could.. and I could tell I really enjoyed that night. Anyway, the film started rather late because the teacher said that we should wait for everyone to get there... then the film was supppeeeerrr looooong. Basically it was about the "Da Vinci Code" and how it was proved to be wrong. I wasn't able to read that yet but I got a few things from what the people say about it and well... all I can say is...I think it is rather fictional and people shouldn't take it so seriously and therefore they shouldn't make such ridiculous films disproving a fictional book... but anyway I can't blame them wholly because the book was tempting to believe and for people with rather little background concerning archeological events and evidences... they could easily be misled by that book. But seriously... uhm I got soo bored watching it.. and I even wanted to sleep in front of the freakin' television... Anyway that got off not as smoothly as I thought... and then it ended at around 12:30 nn. I figure it should have started at around 11:15 am or so. After that.. well we needed to finish this tech skills requirement of building a vehicle run by a 9-volts battery, a motor and any recycled materials. I hated that project..or challenge or whatever... that was the line that drew my hate for tech skills and well basically made me furious about the subject. This feeling of utter disbelief and well hatred... not quite hatred but it is a displeasing mood... let me get off the edge and flunk the subject. I dunno I really tried my best in school.. but I thought it wasn't enough and maybe it should have eaten up my time at home.. and in the final moment it did! Weird that I tried to make it at home... or I did... Anyway...so much for the rant, the vehicle didn't go so well but I can't blame it for being too tired to race off a 1-meter fall and still run through a 2-meters long track while carrying a raw egg and with the objective of securing the egg through the entire course. The time was supposedly until 4 (or so I thought) then my groupmate told me it was only up to 2 pm and I didn't have much time so I tried my best to fix it quickly... It caused a really really big confusion in my part as for it was supposed to work properly... but it didn't. =( Past is past... so after that we had this schedule for a biology dissection. We dissected a catfish and well I found it didn't have much organs as compared to us... but anyway that may be because they live in water... =D It went quite well.. I mean there were only two of us in the group (me and Mikee) ... and well it seems that in the process of cutting the catfish open, we slightly crushed it's heart, which then later gave us a hard time determining which was which in the parts near the heart. But everything went well... I suppose =D After that I naturally went home... I got tired anyway... then... hmmm... at home I remember watching Fushigi, Detective Konan, Inuyasha and well... Card Captor Sakura. Then all I can remember is that I asked one of my classmates (Gippo) what to eat for the next day.. he replied with a bunch of things.. including fruit salad, barbecue, pizza, pancit and spaghetti (as I recall).. then he said those were the things I could choose from (not exactly what he said but somehow close). The day ended fairly well as I checked if the fourth floor was really cleared and if my room was much better. Actually I spent 1 and a half hours cleaning my room.. just because I left it messy for the perio week..since I really didn't have time to clean it. I slept really tired.. but satisfied with how I cleaned much of my room. =D
• Okay then.. I got mixed up with some things... uuhhm... ahh I see it was Tuesday when we watched the movie (Phantom...) great! Well then...some of us were actually watching "Phantom of the Opera" in the Computer Science room because our day was soo boring. I think that was around 11-1, after the time I dropped off our clearance form to our Physics teacher. Way before, I visited the tech unit to find our tech skills teacher (ma'am xavier) because I wasn't paid off my debt for our tech skills fee yet.. it cost me PhP 200, but I normally carry around that much so I wouldn't have any money left.. not so much..so I just visited for the schedule. Anyway we found out that some of my classmates were going to watch a movie in the comp sci room...but I didn't mind it at first... I went over to the Physics unit (SHB 1st floor) and tried to find a way to get my Physics teacher (Sir Angeles) to sign the paper... in exchange for a copy of our class pictures in cd...ehehe. After that, I got so bored, or actually I wanted to ask about how many were coming so... I went over to the comp sci room to watch the movie (Phantom of the Opera). Weird.. I didn't really understand it because I wasn't able to start the movie and also because I sat in the back thinking I didn't know much of the people there and I got shy about it..lol... Then one of my old classmates (Aldrin) celebrated his birthday with around 3 boxes of yellow cab, which became my lunch since I didn't have any money...hehe... Then we continued with the rest of the movie and finally it ended... around 1:30 pm or so. Many of my classmates weren't coming and well it was fine as long as there were people who were going. Most of all the dormer girls... since they were the ones who were going to leave for their province rather early. =D We left at around 3 pm and before that.. well I just sat in the back lobby doing nothing (as usual). Just before that.. I remembered it was White Day... and actually I wanted to spend it with rodz.. although I didn't know if he would be online. Well I ended up just doing nothing... I texted him but he didn't reply (which is reasonable since it costs a lot to text me.. with different networks...) so I asked the people from camia if they really were going or not. Okay I'm back (date check..2006.03.21...3:12 pm)... hmm.. so after I asked them who will come... there was this problem with the interns (dormers..) because that morning the dorm manager issued a note that the gate passes will be given to the interns only to let them go home...they say it's for limiting the entry and exit of students from the dorm (weird.. because the day before none of them issued any gatepasses whatsoever.. so it was confusing). Anyway, at least some of my classmates were able to get away from the dorm by pleading to the dorm manager..but it really angered them to deal with confusing people. Anyway.. as for the first ride.. I texted my mom at around 2:30 to pick us up.. she came at 3:00 pm and well... I wasn't able to get hold of the people who were coming that time.. so I had to make her wait and I visited the dorm to see who will come. Luckily...I found someone willing to go already (Sylvia...then Cris... then Jaja) and some of my classmates from the dorm packed up already (Ada, April and Je)... We left at around 4:30 pm..(can't tell if it was advanced or not..) then... uhm... well we got to our house.. they first noticed the puppies (4 newborn puppies) then.. we went upstairs to my room to leave their bags.. then the second batch of thepeople who were coming came... most of them were from the boys dorm and all...

Okay then.. I think it kills a lot of time for me to write this all down.. and well normally I don't write some things this detailed.. but since my mind is only filled with nonsense anime... I can still remember much of what happened... anyway, i'll tell you the rest of what happened with the party a little bit later... if ever... =D...time check 2006.03.21...3:18 pm ~I'm tired of typing this.. my head hurts.. sorry, I'll proceed next time.

Whenever you say you're there I'm happier... - from friendster blog (2006.03.09 totally not finished! it's recent but i haven't finished)

Oh my gosh! Our four days of perio is finally done! It wasn't actually what I could call a smooth-sailing perio week... but I'm happy I was able to get over it...somehow =D

• Before the perio week, or monday of the perio week (6-9), we weren't able to pass a certain requirement for Filipino and we aimed for a better score by passing late...although it really helped a lot for our grade... it kind of affected my performance in the periodic test for algebra and values education. Uhm, actually the whole saturday i wasn't able to do much, i mean at first i woke up early..but then i ended up fixing the project for fil (comics) that i wasn't able to finish. Actually I didn't know how I could possibly do it but since i was just going to copy the layout of the manga i held for dear life since feb...i just think i got into it. I planned for the saturday to go well, that was after my tutorials...about algeb. During my tutorials...I was actually confused with algeb and i didn't know how i could possibly continue with my perio.. Anyway, the whole saturday was i think spent on TV, then sleep... then work... then i fell asleep while working again. I dunno, it usually happens to me while studying / making a project...that is after 3 quarters of second year life! Uh..anyway, saturday night i got to talk to my classmate who said he'll make half/part of the comics and well i kind of wanted to proceed with my work after seeing his..unfortunately my brother wouldn't allow me to use his pc even if it's just for printing. I think i got pissed at him once because he expects for me to do the things i need to do with the computer during the weekdays but I got other things to do...

Anyway as I have said I haven't finished this well it's because i can't find the right moment to write the exact words and well... i find it hard to find that moment. Anyway I put "whenever you say you're there I'm happier" just because I had a really hard time dealing with my perio scores during the perio week even if I still had to study for other subjects and well my new best friend..or bezy, is rodz and he really helped me get to my feel and study hard. I hope i was able to study hard... anyway, there was also this one time that after the exams i felt really really and really depressed then i turned to my cell to try and find someone to text at the moment to make me feel much better.. then suddenly he texted me a sweet quote...uhm the texts are usually sweet quotes but the timing was perfect... then i felt much much much better... he really helped me and i appreciate it so much =D Thanks!

It has been a long time... - from friendster blog (2006.03.03)

My gosh, it has been such a long time since I last posted something here! I actually drafted something out but anyway I think I've forgotten the things I was thinking of typing there.... Anyway, I just want to tell of the last week or rather my two weeks of hell in school... =D

• ~It all just started from the week of February 20-24, where I had tons of long tests, one big requirement for chem and another big requirement for values education. As much as I don't fancy cramming style, I guess I just got so used to it and I've brought it to my second year in highschool. It can clearly be seen as our YMSAT (Youth, Math, Science and Technology) week passed by and as our group (a group of 9 people) crammed a 10-minute flash of the series LOST. It was quite difficult and rather disappointing! Difficult to say because we just had to watch the whole season 1 of the LOST series (45 minutes each episode) and some of us barely knew how to handle Macromedia Flash, which is what I really hate right now. Disappointing because we had plans and all, we even went to my house just to try it out, used around 2 computers and 2 more laptops and used one whole room for a big overnight to try and finish it. Another thing was that we again went to my house to finish it and well we noticed that we really didn't do anything so much, even if this time we had 2 computers and 3 laptops, until only Steph and I were left to do part of the flash. I guess we were better off than one of our class' group, but personally, it was disappointing. What really took a big effect was when we presented it and we weren't allowed to change, even though we had a 5-10% deduction, just because we weren't in time (I don't even know what the right time was). Anyway, that YMSAT week was just so tiring as we spent the Monday trying to fix the flash, then Tuesday getting ready to present it, Wednesday having the Bio Quiz Bee... uhm one of the things I don't think I'd ever want to do.. lol.. but it was fun when we were in the stage laughing because we don't know a thing about the question. But somehow it really made me think about Bio a lot.. I mean I like the subject, just as any other subject, except ehem...a few others, but somehow I barely know anything about it... memorization doesn't take me that far in the quiz bee, but I think reading more books does, and I'm no fan of reading books...just when they're required do I waste time reading them. But understanding takes me as far as I would want to reach and I don't get it but it helps me on my quizzes... well notes add to the things I remember, but I think logic really helps a lot, even in Computer Science. The afternoon of wednesday was REALLY boring... I went to school for the Bio quiz bee but I didn't expect for us to waste our afternoon sitting in the gazebo doing nothing... But anyway I got to spend a whole lot of time with people I don't usually hang out with. I got to appreciate Camia a whole lot more, and I've really learned to like the people in it, even if I don't know them much. Then Thursday... uhm we had a Math Intersection in the morning and well I came to school just for that, but I didn't expect that much out of what I could do because I can't really tell you I love math or anything but somehow when I understand it, I do better...I only wish it happens every time! Just before the Math Intersection, I got to talk to Angelica again...I miss her and well the letters she wrote on February 14 really hit the spot that I wasn't that good of a "friend" to her, or I wasn't a friend at all...I dunno why I didn't realize it but somehow I just wanted to spend my last quarter much better and well the people in Camia really help a lot for me to do much better so I guess I somehow took many of my friends for granted and spent more time with Camia. Then on the time of the Math Intersection... well I was just in the group division and not in the individual.. and I was really thankful for not being in the individual round! Fortunately, our group won first place.. I guess because of the last question, wherein we all had the same answers with us. Friday was utterly boring because it was the awarding ceremony and well we didn't really win anything for our physics requirement..which was an air sled. Oh yeah and the last day was good because I got to spend time with the Pisay YFC again, it was really fun talking to them...although I don't know much about them!
  
• ~Oh okay I got a little bit too far there, anyway the week of February 20... hmm... I really can't remember that much but I knew we were cramming that one-day (I hope my teacher won't know) commercial that we were supposed to do on the 18th but only my two classmates went (we were 10 in the group). I understand as much as the part that some of my classmates were externs but somehow I didn't like the fact that miscommunication hindered some to come and help us out. I feel guilty for making Marvin come to the meeting because we really didn't do anything and they ended up watching TV...weird. Anyway, that too was held in my house.. ehehe.. I think I've abused my right to my house..lol.. but it's fine as long as it's for the benefit of my.. umm near future! =D I don't know exactly why my fourth quarter hasn't been going as much as I would want it to.. I'm quite disappointed... and well... that may be why I really really really want the quarter to end already. And yes the exams week is coming up.. I'm actually writing this to encourage me to do my fil project, which I'll be describing in a while... Anyway.. the valed thing wasn't really good... as in... uhhm I don't know I think it's my fault in some freaky way, or rather in an indirect way.
  
• ~My Chem portfolio, I mean I don't think I deserved my last grade in the Chem Portfolio because it really didn't look like a good "artistic" work. I didn't understand it that much but I really tried to make the content much better, even if it didn't look as good as I think I could do. I actually crammed it on the 23rd but then when I woke up in the morning Steph texted me saying there was no class and I kind of disliked it because I crammed the Chem Portfolio the night before. Anyway the whole day was... "wasted" somewhat.. cause in the morning I ended up being an addict of "Paradise Kiss" oh.. the manga I really really love.. the clothes in the manga are soooo pretty =D then I found out there was a TV episode, and well I'm still struggling to prevent myself from viewing it, but don't worry it is just as long as 12 episodes with 30 minutes each episode, and well...I'm still trying to download it! ...=(
  
• ~The long tests... well it wasn't really pretty, I mean I can't remember the subjects well but I can say it isn't that good. Oh yeah I totally disliked the filipino long test... I would want to learn more, but I guess cramming doesn't seem that much as a good option when learning the grammar part. Oh well! Anyway please wish me good luck for the perio!!! I really need it.. sooo badly... =D
  
• ~Okay, uhm I really don't want to discuss it but anyway, I really don't like the fact that I think I "will fail" tech skills... I mean.. I tried to make a vehicle that will run on motor and a 9-volts battery with a switch and that will run from a 1-meter high table and run a course that will test the ability to protect an egg. It kind of pisses me out that I can't do anything worthwhile in that subject and that I wasn't able to do as I wanted to. Hmm.. I think I feel better... much, much. But anyway, if I fail that I look forward to a "bet" I made with Jose for 50 Pesos..lol.. it's not like I want to fail but as he said people get to win at something when they fail-->they get money even though they fail.. =D Hmm... but if ever I fail, I think it won't look good, uhm yeah... I'll get depressed...most likely, but it doesn't matter, I don't know if I'll get over it but life goes on.
  
• ~The last week of formal classes, well I really didn't like the fact that I totally ruined my whole speech for english, so I won't count on that for a change in my grades.. hmm I just count on Chem (although I really want to get a really high grade, as in 2 steps up I hope =D.."asa"), then I hope my algebra goes up.. I really hope so. Then my geom, I want it to go up one notch... so that I'll pull up my tech skills, english, and drafting grade. I also want to get a much better grade in values education but I don't know about my perio... it gets tough in the perio! Oh yeah I'm off topic again... anyway, I liked the fact that "I didn't FAIL GEOM" on my last long test.. I'm sorry to blurt that out but it really feels good...somehow... it's because I really do an awful job in my long tests and well... right now I learned to appreciate it a whole lot more! Then I liked the fact that I just failed on one multiple choice question for the Chem long test, but then since our teacher lowered the perfect score, I'm over perfect =D. Hmm... I liked P.E. because I might get an 1.0 just because I wore my uniform all throughout the P.E. days and we didn't have a practical exam!! wee! hmm... I really get mixed feelings right now, I dunno if I'm happy because of some school things, or upset because of some other school things, excited for the summer, or sad because I won't be able to see Camia..as Camia '08: my classmates, worried because of the perio, or relieved because it's the last perio!! But somehow... I'm happy, I dunno why.. maybe texting lara and rodz really helped me, I mean rodz sent sweet quotes that kind of made me feel better, then lara texted me when I just wanted to know how she was doing. =D
  
• ~Hmm.. well last of the school stuff, well I'm supposed to like make this comics that I kind of wanted to make in the traditional manga format (reading from right to left) and well I wish myself luck because I'll really be needing it! So much really... =D Hmm... then I kind of like need to do well in my perio.. which starts monday until thursday! then clearance week stuff.. I think we're supposed to go out as Camia =D I hope we do! I've been thinking though, I mean since watching Paradise Kiss and seeing Yukari trying to find herself in the crowd and experiencing the world outside high school... I kind of want to find myself too.. and I don't know if studying so hard will be so usefull as I strive to ask myself.. why do I do what I do? So maybe trying to find myself lies on trying to answer the question why I do what I do... what I do is like studying, watching anime or simply why I live like this? (I'm not saying I live in such an awful way, and I'm not complaining but I'm simply asking why I live as I live)
  
• ~Okay, off school topics then... uhm I'm still going to post on of my old draft posts for the 1st-2nd week of february because it's important that I post my "favorite manga"...as in really! It was a stroke of pure luck! or rather destiny that I chose that manga and bought it, now I dunno if I could complete all the volumes but it made me realize a few goals in my summer! Well right now I'm actually into Paradise Kiss, although it's quite hard to download... or it just takes too long =D but I really like Yukari and George as a couple, and Hiroyuki as a character...lol.. =D As of now I'm in episode 8 of 12 and well I really like the fact that Yukari tries to find herself and sometimes I too get enough of George's character that is hard to understand..hehe. hmm... then... uhm... I dunno, I mean I watch a lot of anime nowadays, which includes Inuyasha (I really can't get the story...the end i mean), Card Captor Sakura (I actually want to know how the end was as it was when I saw it), Curious Play (OMG.... memories...), Absolute Boy (sometimes... it's interesting..somehow), Emma-A Victorian Romance (omg.. it's really sweet... lol)... and well I can't remember much but inuyasha everyday + curious play everyday + card captor every wed-fri = around 1 hr and 30 mins in front of the TV!! then detective conan is coming up again.. wee. Lol.. but I still have exams, so I guess I better study well =D
  

~till next time, I think my brother's here already... =P Oops he's not here yet but he will be... and besides I have to finish photoediting stuff... =D
~With every step I make and every word I say
the journey takes me as far as each day
for me to be able to see through the test
and do as I can to make it the best...
~sorry panget.. anyway, it kind of just popped out of my mind..lol =D anyway... Take Care, God Bless and Pray Always!

Thinking about nothing else... - from friendster blog (2006.02.03 not yet finished... super!)

I wanted to write this earlier... but anyway.. it's february already!! its almost march and we get out of school by march 11.. yey.. =D So then I'll start with what happened during January 21...

• Jan 21.. sat... my sister asked a week ago if we could check out Powerbooks in glorietta to find the book she wanted.. which was Narnia.. =D Actually, I never heard of Narnia before... not until the movie theaters previewed it and all.. but anyway, I went there not because I wanted to buy something, but because I just wanted to go out to the mall

I'll write again.. ill try to finish it but basically i put "thinking about nothing else" because i got so addicted, or i really loved this one manga...which was "Land of the Blindfolded". It was the only thing i could think of for a whole two weeks.. and well it was fun reading the first book for like 7 times already!!!... talk about addicted! anyway i'll explain laters...

Vaguely answering... - from friendster blog (2006.01.20)

~It's been over a month now and this is the first time i've posted something for january... well other than my tribute to jelle, which is kind of weird because i started writing that around december of last year and i can't seem to finish it... =D. Anyway, i can't really remember everything that happened within the past month or so, but i could tell of what recently happened... anyway i'll start from a summary of the first few days...

• uhm well... i didn't actually want to go to school just yet, i guess its because i wasn't able to do what i planned on doing, like reading the Lord of the Flies.. which is by the way due next week, then about the Tech Skills chimes project, i wasn't really able to do it well, i mean it looks awful, well that is what i think it looks like... anyway, a few of the over the vacation requirements kept me up till late 4 am in the morning... err... then i was really undecided on what to do, how to do things and many others, maybe because i was really upset about the perio last year...or other things that i think made me feel dissapointed in myself... i'm not really sure =D but well i guess i was only stressed so much about not doing what i was supposed to do... =D and well the first few days were fun, i really enjoyed it, or partly, but still the first subject of the year - drafting - made me feel much better because it was our first walkout of the year!! lol.. anyway... too much of that said, i mean i really tried to do the things i planned, but.. somehow i didn't like it so much... maybe the thing someone told me was really true, that when its the beginning of a year, people tend to do as they planned, but later on, when they realize that the year is almost ending, everything is concentrated on the holiday season... well at least it was kind of true for me.. =D
  Hmm.. okay so after the first week, the second week... uhm there were so many requirements and besides the second week was the school FAIR..well at least two days were partly fair days and one saturday was turned into a Concert day... =D our class set up a booth that does these favors for other people, well actually we were called slaves.. lol, my classmates use double meanings for that, but then i can't really blame them.. anyway, the first two hours in the schedule set up by our president, was my group's shift... but since we had class for the first subject, we were cut short to 8:20-9:00 am as the booth facilitators... but anyway, they still had to set up the booth, post some things and also, it was so hot that morning, so we ended up leaving our booth for some shade. I actually didn't like that thursday morning just because we had to take the Practical Exam for Basketball in PE =( and naturally, i wasn't any good at it.. as with any other sport XD... then... the YFC in Pisay had a gathering... uhm although i'm not really active in any club.. 'cause i don't have any... i would want to be active in YFC there, uhm but other requirements demand too much of my time and i regret to have missed the YFC meeting last 01/18... anyway, the rest of the day seemed boring although i wasn't able to eat.. and i forgot my cellphone, so i was really bored 'cause i didn't know what time i was going home... other than not being able to go home, i got really dizzy, i guess it was because i wasn't able to eat lunch.. ehehe... and because i was waiting for around 4 hours... from 2 pm to 6 pm... hmm.. but anyway, the second day of the fair was much better, i really liked it maybe because we had a free cut for our first subject - Geom - then the fair started much better and i didn't need to do anything else.. other than the evaluation of our group work in fil, then taking our group's shift at 12-2 pm.. =D hmm.. i had fun talking to Je, maybe because i really missed ragnarok, and well we had a lot to talk about it =) hehe then, after that i think i spent around 30 mins lining up at the Zagu stall because it was so hot, then afterwards ate and then it started to rain... the rain was odd because the sun was still shining while it was raining.. well at least i thought it was still so bright.. =D after that, my best friend Angelica asked me to be her slave, just so that she could talk to me.. lol, she was practically wasting her money on wanting to talk to me or something... and i was really a lousy slave, i mean i couldn't do much, but they didn't bother... so i spent most of my time with the jade people and mostly with Arcie.. =D after that, i had this ORI reunion with some more jade people... i really missed them, i guess it was because i used to hang out after school and have ORI classes / bonding times =D so i really enjoyed that time with them... then we went biking under the rain... / droplets of rain... =D it was really fun because basically, i didn't know how to ride a bike... kind of embarrasing but its true... and i can only ride the trike.. but anyway =D after that my mother picked me up late again...late because i didn't really want to watch the battle of the bands, although i'm a little interested in knowing what kind of bands there are in our school =D so with that time... i spent it mostly with Jaja... and of course her friends... erm, i don't really know her friends so well but they're nice and well i kind of think it was hard for me to stay with them because they knew each other pretty well already... and maybe because i had a different section in the first year =D.. well i guess that ends most of the good things in the best fair day for me... =) the last day of the fair was saturday... actually i missed going to clark with my mom and dad, for the YFC gathering or something... and besides i really thought that was only for the leaders.. anyway, i went to school early because my father had to go to school and everyone else was gone... thankfully, i was able to do something other than stare in cold space all day long... Sylvia and I did part of our chem report, which was reported on 19..., and after that i was able to see Arcie and most of the jade people.. i really forgot that we were supposed to go to Kat's house for the celebration of her birthday, but then after being reminded, i just went along with them. somehow i felt uneasy because i was with most of the members of an old "barkada" and i kind of felt left out.. but i just had to go on with it cause i was already there... =D in her house, we ate and then drank wine.. i thought that might make me sleepy, but then it didn't and so when we went back to school, i was with Arcie most of the time... I spent some time with her and strolled around =D After that... the concert was supposed to start at 5, which was then delayed to around 6... I asked my sister to come along... i dunno why, but i guess i felt that she was the one who knew most of what the bands were like.. and i guess she partially wanted to go too... =D i dunno.. i mean it was at that time that i left the jade people and accompanied my sister.. =) It was nice to be with her... without her worrying so much... and i hope it did help her somehow... =)
• So that was my day at saturday... on sunday i really had a lot to cram.. basically it was about soc sci, geom and algeb i think... but i was able to do them anyway.. =) erm... there was one thing that really bothered me... it was about what my mother said that she wanted for me to join singing contests...? LOL... i would say never... as for i don't have the courage, nor the talent to do so... i dunno, i've been thinking about it and i still haven't come up with a conclusion as to what i want to be yet... that's because i want to study first.. i kind of have a slow pace on things... i plan one by one, as for each quarter, i plan on DL per quarter, a specific grade per quarter, but nothing more than that... oh yeah and during mass, the priest said the gospel and it was about the time Jesus talked to the people and said that the only ones who can enter His kingdom are those who childishly acts towards heaven... erm... childishly acting has something to do with 4 things... or at least that is how I remember it... 1) being simple, 2) being someone who is easy to teach, 3) being trusting, 4) being forgiving... these things seem simple enough... and at first i even thought of what about responsibility, respect... and everything else...? but then i guess those things won't matter much... oh and being simple means that you are straight at what you are trying to say, you express your feelings without much hesitation and everything else...; then being someone who is easy to teach is like being someone who accepts his / her own faults and readily acts to change them by listening to others... i kind of lack this, somehow... that's because i find myself very hostile when someone tells me what to do... erm that's at home anyway... then about being simple, i really am not... i tend to expand the matter first before getting to the punchline, but then i'll try... somehow...; hmm... about being trusting.. i remember i trust very easily when i was young.. and yeah i guess i trust people right now, even though i often doubt them... or analyze them first before trusting them right away...; lastly, being forgiving... hmm... uhm i dunno, i don't want to keep grudges on people... i really don't, and besides i would feel hurt myself if i wasn't forgiven, so i naturally will forgive that person, whether or not it takes a long time... =D
• hmm... so this is kind of getting too long of a post... but i just want to express one last thought... i mean the title always has something to do with what i have to say here... so yeah it really does... "vaguely answering..." tells of how i used to interpret the topic Angelica, Arcie and I talked about during one of our bonding times.. or rather boring times... =D... i used to vaguely answer the question about destiny, fate and of course coincidences... i mean before talking to them, i really did think everything was planned... i thought everything wasn't just a coincidence and i thought there is nothing like "a destiny"... or in other words, it does not exist for me... what exists is a plan well set-up for us to follow into and realize that it is meant to be... to think of it, everything is meant to be.. every situation leads to decisions, which leads to consequences, then new situations... what Angelica added to my thought is that we are free to choose... we are given the freedom to choose and with every choice we make, is a specific plan set into place... or a consequence... then, i also realized that we keep saying God has a plan for us, without definitely describing it.. uhm yeah i know nobody needs to describe it, nobody needs to know the reason why.. but it helps for someone to build faith in something that has been well thought of....erm.. i think i lost myself there, anyway, I'm just trying to say that this plan that God set for us isn't "the only" plan, but it is "the best" plan and with that is why we try to change ourselves into "the best" we think we should be... i just think i want for you to know that you can freely choose, but don't regret... then if you start to regret a decision.. try to find "the best" plan that could be seen from the consequences of your actions... (labo..)
• hmm then the third week... erm it started not so nice... but then i had a shoutout saying "omg.. soo happy" and "omg... still soo happy" its just because i recently found out that my average increased (even though i really thought it was the worst quarter as compared to the other 2) and i'm happy just to be in the Director's List for the third quarter... but somehow i just hope i could reach DL again in the last quarter... for this last quarter is what matters most =D... erm.. but really i can't help but think why i strive hard to study...since Angelica talked to me just before i went home today and told me she was studying to get a better life than her father did...just because this was what her father wanted... and i... on the other hand, i'm not forced to get high grades.. i'm not forced to work too hard.. but still i happen to work that much and still get sick of how less i work... and how lazy i am... it could be that i have a high expectation of myself... or maybe i just have a different definition of high grades... and i think of myself too little... =D anyway, i wouldn't want to mess with how i think right now 'cause it might get tiring.. =D oh yeah and we talked about what clubs we were going to take next year... okay i just want to include this so that i have a written / typed copy of a promise i made.. lol... erm i promised to try out laab (just to be able to learn soccer), himig agham (erm... that was my first year promise... so i can't really change it), inkwell (well it depends on what happens when i join and what i'm supposed to do), astrosoc (i really like astronomy, but sadly i don't know a thing about it, so i want to "try" joining astrosoc just to learn more about astronomy), then SCA (just so that i could officially be part of YFC... or at least be able to interact that way =D)... erm anyway... that's all for now i guess.. much of this week's activities won't matter much for anyone... =)
  anyway.. some extra things...
• jelle... i really miss you.. and i thank you for putting a comment in my story.. i'm sorry if it isn't so good.. or if i couldn't finish it well... =D btw... nice to chat with you again... and i'll try to find out about that season 2 of Ultra Maniac.. but i doubt it because it seems like this is one of those anime shows that contain only a few scenes and isn't really for many seasons.. =D besides... the story ended there already.. although Tsujai and nina seems to have a good love story that is yet to be seen =D
• Tammy... thanks for giving me your pics... ill post my fav =D hehe =) then... its nice to chat with you too.. its sad i can't support your monk... although i really want to help with levelling your char =) btw... you're still so cute (kawaii...) ^_^~

~well then there... i guess i was able to update this after all =D uhm.. i kind of wish i was able to keep things clear... if not... please just tell me =D
~take care, God Bless and Pray always!!!... erm 'till next time then!!

A Tribute to -jelle-... - from friendster blog (2006.01.16)

~Okay then, I'll just give a short intro, this post is a tribute to my ragnarok friend -jelle- or rather Jovelle... =D She is one of tammy's (Ellicia / Tanya) relatives that also plays ragnarok in the server fenrir.
~Actually, I didn't want to post this here, but since Jelle, you are my friend in this account, I just wanted to let you see what I said about not having a Christmas Present for you... just because I don't have anything in Ragnarok..it doesn't mean I can't make it up for you..

• ~But seriously... I couldn't finish this story, I mean I can't find time to finish it in one sitting, just like my story for tammy, which I will post some other time... I think I'll just update this when I get the chance to... without all the powerpoint presentations required for school.. btw.. i don't know how to write, i can't write properly, and my grammar isn't really in the right way modern people use it... i kind of like classical writing, but of course i would never forget how to write properly =D ...erm... peace.. tell me if you don't like it or something... i dunno, i usually just write this story everytime i don't have anyone to talk to... when i'm like a "loner".. lol.. (erm but that was before i spent most of my time reading "Lord of the Flies" just because we need to and I promised myself not to read "A Series of Unfortunate Events.. book 11" if i wasn't able to finish that book) anyway, I just want to tell you how much i appreciate meeting you in fenrir and all.. =D and so i want to start it here...:
  
• ~In a world filled with wonder and surprises, reveals a journey of two faithful servants who will one day join arms in protecting but one belief of helping those that are in need and also those that are worthy of calling themselves their friends. As one walks the path of a lone ranger, no one can really tell where he will go, but one can be certain of freedom and of peace that this life will bring.
  
• ~To tell the tale of the lone ranger who will become a fine follower, we must first travel through the lands of sand and reach a place untouched by unknown creatures. This place lies in the middle of the fields of sand and is known to the bravest fighters of the world. Rumor has it that beginners lurk around these areas to practice stealing items so that they can become worthy of calling themselves theives.

~erm.. i think i'll just post the rest later.. i'm really feeling a bit annoyed by what i wrote.. it seemed dull and weird reading it the second time around... but anyway.. jelle, miss you =D and btw.. i dunno if i would come back to fenrir, i'm not so sure.. but not now, maybe after the last quarter... and after our clearance =D *wish i could see you... sorry for not living up to what i said about meeting you in december... =(*

Whatever a smile can do... - from friendster blog (2005.11.20)

It's been a long time since I posted in my blog.. my sister said that I should post my "christmas list"... i don't think i have one though =) Also, a lot has happened... i mean last Nov. 12, we recieved our cards... then last Nov. 19, we had a class.. and a costume party. So then, I should proceed with my post. =)

• I woke up around 7 this morning.. kind of early because I came home late the night before. We had a costume party that had an asian theme and all... we played games and had contests, but I still felt a little bored afterwards. It was fun but many of my classmates didn't go, so we were kind of left out. I didn't hang around the table my old classmates set up... maybe because we had to perform a "cosplay" that I really didn't understand. We kind of presented a play and the other sections presented something else... so we felt kind of silly in the end. I don't really understand... I was in a mood that is either too tired... or just easy to convince... so they made me perform there. During the fashion show, we practiced somewhat secretly... then during the performance, everything wasn't going as they planned and we were trying real hard to catch up. In the end of the party, they announced the winner and we ended up in third place... and only one of us was really happy about it. Maybe we didn't feel happy because we crammed it or something... but I'm just not sure if we deserve it, because many sections were disqualified because of the duration of their presentation.
• Before that party, we had classes... actually it was a make-up class for having a long break. I didn't like it though.. I felt really tired that friday night because I had to study for two long tests. I wouldn't say the long test went well... not really... I didn't like the fact that I ended up sleeping at 9:30 pm and waking up early just to study filipino.. by reading el fili... and studying bio.. by memorizing things about the kingdom protista and an introduction to the kingdom plantae... Luckily, I thought of studying fil first then bio.. although I can't remember well when I procrastinate.. I didn't like the identification part of fil... just because I wasn't able to read the book.. i just feel bad about it... but then it's fine now. Then I forgot many things in bio... i actually studied for 1-2 hrs because we had breaks and all... but i still didn't like the environment when i studied it. Anyway.. the day went well.. I guess =).
• It's weird reading my past posts... and finding my mood swings kind of unrealistic.. I mean that within a span of one week.. or even one day... my style of writing changes and whatever i write is tuned to my feelings. This week... or when I started the week of Nov. 14, I wanted things to go well... I started my week with a smile... I kind of decided to try making most of my happiness... while I still could. I didn't really know what would happen... but then "whatever a smile can do" won't hurt anyone around me.. unless they get irritated. I mean even though my classmates acted like I did before, when confronted with a situation wherein we see ourselves fail... i tried hard not to give up hope.. i tried to look at the better side of life. This really isn't me.. but I decided to change rather than to suffer... i really am the only one who can change myself and i am also the only one who can determine the reason why. That day of smilling.. not fully... but at least from my first Geometry class... which resulted into a bad thing because of my long test... up until my Algebra class... wherein we checked our papers and luckily I passed... i tried my best to smile. I had a shoutout in friendster that said "i hope i can smile for you... as much as i want to for myself..." i meant that in a way that i hope i can smile for everyone.. to be able to see a smile for myself... i did this 'cause i know i get affected by my actions quickly.. and i often sulk about them... so if i formerly had an emotion... which could be happiness.. i could maybe stop my mood swings for a while. Well of course it didn't last very long... eventually i grew tired.. i mean it was a really long week... but still.. i don't think i would want to give up so easily. =). I can't smile really well... but i just do so for myself... i felt kind of better smilling like that.. than smilling awkwardly. Well anyway.. that's what happened for that week..
• Now after waking up at around 7.. i felt kind of sad that someone turned my pc off.. while i was running my priest bot.. anyway... i played ragnarok that morning.. for at least an hour.. I just went to GH.. and to TF2 to tank tammy. I really missed her.. and her new name kind of reminds me of mine.. that's just because she used a new character named ~*ellicia*~. =). After that I watched "Witch Hunter Robin" erm.. episode 16.. since I missed it that friday. Then, I went down to eat and watched tv. I really didn't know what to do for the day... so I slept again. I woke up around 1 pm... then ate lunch. I spent the afternoon wondering what my hw was.. until someone finally posted it... I guess i still have to stay up late.. of course.. since i always do =) just to finish geom.. I kind of plan to start the week the same as before... no matter how tired i might be feeling.. i'll try hard.. i can't say i can do my best.. but i can try =)
• ~Oh and.. lovelyn.. if ever you are reading this... i'm really glad i was able to talk to you last week... my shoutout message saying something like "thank you for saying the one thing I wanted to hear.. =D" was actually for you... =). It was because of your "new" phrase from the states... i was really feeling kind of down at that time.. and then you told me a lot of things there... although it was a really short talk... i really am glad =). It was because of that phrase that I kind of found a proof that i was really living... that i was doing something worthwhile.. for someone else =).
• ~Lara.. i miss you so much.. i'm sorry i've been kind of busy lately.. i'm sure you have a lot of things that you would want to tell me.. but then i'll try to talk to you after our exams.. that is dec 10 i think =) either that or a few days after that.. =).
• ~Tammy... i really missed you.. nice to hear from you. As usual you're making a new character. I miss Ellicia.. =D I hope we could meet in the nov. eb.. if ever november 28 is a holiday.. a real holiday for us... =)
• ~Jelle... waaa.. i'm sorry about not being able to greet you on your birthday... i remember it was the time me and my sister went to the mall to buy something for our costume party... and then got interrupted by something... anyway... i'll try to find a gift for you =)

Life is kind of precious to me.. it can only be lived once.. and must be controlled by only one.. that's why i try to find my purpose of living...by myself. The phrase lovelyn told made me feel that I was making someone feel better... that there really was a purpose for me to talk to her... there was a good reaction.. and that made me feel like i was really living. I thought of myself as something that makes the world look worse and i didn't think i was contributing to any peace... that is why i decided to smile. A smile isn't much... but sometimes.. it makes us feel better... and sometimes when I see someone smile back.. i feel that there really was a good result to whatever i did. I don't seem to find a good purpose for me because I can't find a bestfriend in my section.. but if i find a purpose for people to smile.. then i would be very happy. =D

Silence...has a nice ring to it.. - from friendster bIog (2005.11.04)

I guess it's been a day since I posted that last one... I don't know.. i kind of felt better after writing it, although it wasn't pretty much a good post. I would say it was good enough for me... weird though, as I have said before, nothing has ever been good enough... or usually this is the case.

• I kind of woke up early this morning... around 7. I was startled by the voices of those people coming in to our house, well I thought they were someone else.. but it seems they were the ones fixing our house for a while now. I hurried to my brother's room... guess I was excited to view the downloaded movie clip of "Fruits Basket"
• Kind of weird... I wasn't able to keep track of time, but unusually.. I don't feel that bad. Not so much until I noticed how everything moved so fast... too fast. I wonder though, why was it that today i could feel the happiness and sadness in the movie clip but not those around me. I wasn't happy... not as i was expecting "happiness" would feel like. But I felt peace... it was as if nothing bothered me even though i kept looking at those things i needed to do.
• Afterwards... I slept again. A long sleep I guess... but I had no dreams this time, just silence... just peace. I woke up... I ate lunch this day, but i still didn't feel my surroundings. Usually I would be depressed at school... maybe I missed school, or I just wanted to talk.. casually.. that is because unknowingly, i express myself whenever i talk.. whether it be a stranger or my closest friend. But.. nobody really knows everything, just one person... rarely can I hear Him talk, but through some people... I could sense the beauty in His words.
• Then, I went on with the movie clips.. then internet. I guess i felt bored, but i don't want to go back to school... school gave me too much of a headache... but i have to face it... anyway.. later on i finished a few of the things i wanted to do... and needed to do. But still.. i felt nothing more than the happy environment... and stillness..
• After watching the last thing i wanted to watch today... it was Witch Hunter Robin... i heard the song again... i love that opening and ending song... it has a pinch of pain in it, but i didn't feel much of it. After that, i picked up my dog.. thought for a while.. then decided on one thing: I mean since my mood is kind of slow today... kind of "manhid" and kind of foolish, i thought of what if i try being quiet for a while... then do things patiently... then somehow get some work done.. yeah... i thought to myself... Silence... has a nice ring to it.. although this phrase is somewhat contradicting, for nothing can be heard in silence, but a ring is a sound... but in my case.. ring might mean some sort of vibe... some piece of a puzzle...

Anyway, I'll end it short and.. well better than yesterday I hope...
~'till next time. God Bless and please take care... remember to Pray Always!

It's weird sometimes... - from friendster blog (2005.11.03)

Well... I guess I had a pretty nice week. Although "nice" is kind of a broad and exhausted word.. I chose to use it to make it mysterious and yet simple. I owe it all to the wonderful day with my section in our outbound to Subic... and of course the iBelieve metrocon of YFC.

• Okay.. so I woke up this morning.. It was later than usual... around 10 am. Probably because I slept late last night.. just talking to my friend that I wasn't able to talk to for a long time... yeah a long time I guess... and I just chatted in Ragnarok.
• I ate a bit... then proceeded with my everyday hygiene stuff.. then unfortunately I wasn't able to eat lunch. I dunno why... but I kind of adored Fruits Basket too much, a little while ago... well not actually kind of.. but it was totaly addicting at that moment... it's sooo cute... anyway, after that I watched a little tv... then of course thought about doing my school stuff. I did plan the day to do this schoolwork.. so that tomorrow I could probably join in on the fun at the NB5 Bring Old Members Back... BOMB! eh...
• Well... why did it take me so long to do my school work? I dunno.. since the metrocon.. I felt relieved.. somewhat better... contented actually... I told my mother about the school stuff.. which subjects I thought I would fail to reach my standards.. or which subjects I feared to know the grade... I didn't have it in me to tell her the Perio thing.. in Val Ed. I guess I will someday... I planned to do so in the middle of that fateful night.. so that if ever I cry.. darkness will hide it... but anyway.. right now the bright screen of this pc reveals it, but nobody is here so it's fine.
  Before that metrocon... I was bothered by the ringing of failure in my head... I never did feel contented with any grade I had.. whether it be 1.0 or 1.75... I never felt that feeling of happiness for long... because I knew I had to retain it the next quarter. For the fear of loosing it... I never felt that happiness I thought I would feel in achieving it. That is why I long told my sister that having high grades won't satisfy you... no matter what... although this state of mind.. i mean the one about not being satisfied... boosts up my desire to improve... it decreases my faith in myself.. for once I fail.. never will I want to trust myself to succeed ever again. I never did feel the victory of anything... at least I don't think so... I mean I could feel proud at first... happy for the moment... but worried for the longest time.. stressed for the longest hours and unable to move for the lasting while...
• It was there... in that metrocon, that I was able to spend more time with my mother.. as someone rather different... not in looks... not in habits.. but in thinking and speaking... i guess not so different... but i told her the things I didn't want to before... i didn't confess wholly but I believe she understood me... I've always been with her... beside her during the activities of YFC... I couldn't go with anyone I wasn't close with.. but that's the problem.. I wasn't close with anyone.. not entirely... in YFC. Which is why I wasn't soo happy with going to YFC gatherings... but that night.. I felt it wasn't about that... it wasn't about friends at all... I guess it was about strangers being friends and unknown dreams being realized... I mean no matter how alone I might be... or seem to be.. God will always be there beside me... I may not realize it... feel it or accept it... but He is there for me.
• ~Lara... I dunno.. I know you read this sometimes... I just know it... but I want to tell you.. that before... I wanted you to join YFC.. i didn't really know why but I wanted to spread it somehow... to the person to whom I could relate to for years... I wanted it to start there... and although I wasn't able to do much.. I wished really hard for it to happen... I really did... you know.. I miss you so much... your presence was enlightening... you were fun to be with.. and I guess we are suffering the same fate at school... the same thing comes into our mind...... eh... anyway.. you know... after that metrocon.. I wanted you to feel the same thing I felt.. the same comfort... the same contentment... I'm sure fanfics make you happy... but then isn't it really tiring? I mean after one fanfic you would really want to know what happens after... that's how I felt when I kept watching anime and stuff... this is reality though... we are not living in some fiction stories... we were trying to find our happiness in such things that we know is so simple... at that precise moment.. I felt peace... I felt that contentment.. that standing there... looking foolish maybe... looking weird... but still standing there... for God.. for serving Him. Maybe I did mind everything around me... they say 3000 people attended it.. I was a bit conscious.. but at that moment... nothing else mattered. I was alive once more... I was better of living in that moment than suffering before. After that metrocon.. I wanted for you to experience it... I wanted for you to be there... with me... maybe because I missed you so much... but more because you were the same as me.. or maybe that is what I thought... I knew that you know more people than I do... I know you are stronger than I am... but then I felt that we were the same... please don't be offended or anything... I'm just writing foolishly... there are many things I need to do... but I don't feel the pressure anymore... it doesn't matter if I do them... it does not matter in the presence of God... at least I think so... it matters for my future... but God does more than what I can.. so I would love to put all my faith in Him... I want you... to spread whatever you will feel when you will finally be with me in YFC... if ever that is to happen... I will wait.. I'm sure of it...that the day I dream of will come true someday... life is short... but miracles happen in a blink of an eye...
• Well you know... "it's weird sometimes..." I feel as if everything could collapse in a moment.. then someone catches me when my feet can't carry me anymore... I don't know who it is.. there's so many.. but I know that underneath that person.. is God.. working His way through me... it's weird sometimes... I hear myself speaking as if I'm stronger than anyone else... maybe that's the power of God... but you know... it's weird sometimes... I cry as sudden as I never thought of... I cry... so quick that it lasts for a long time... but it comes and goes after a long period of time...

I actually don't want many people to see this.. but for my heart that is drowning in the bitter waters... I just had to let it out... writing is something like a way of expressing myself.. people could see through the screen of my whole being.. just by interpreting what I write... maybe so... I don't know myself well... I just hope I get to hear from other people... you know... I never really thought of myself as one that expresses herself openly... but I thought I wasn't mysterious at all... kind of contradicting, but maybe I'm just in the middle... I want to know what people know.. I want to see how people see... and feel how people feel... so to those reading this... do you want to go through a journey where I was afraid to take? A path not taken by most people... but taken by faithful people... what do you think of when I say YFC?.. 'till next time then... may God Bless you all... and take care... whoever you are... =D

Sometimes things just get a little too confusing... - from friendster blog (2005.10.24)

Okay then, to stop the last update link to my previous post, I might as well would post a new one! Basically, I didn't plan this because it defeats the purpose of posting every saturdays, but then it lessens my load this coming Saturday. Yeah I know it's a part of the long weekend / holiday, but I just know I won't be able to post stuff because we have make-up classes on the other upcoming saturdays.

• Well after the long weekend, it must have been obvious I was too preoccupied with Ragnarok! yeah that's the cause of my inconsistent meal time and sleeping time. But anyway, I woke up just this morning, dreaming all the way until i closed my eyes for about 2 mins. It was weird, I was all too quiet.. err maybe I planned that for the flag ceremony.. but then too quiet, too still and too out of this world. I didn't actually want to talk to people about anything I usually ask about.. well just because I find myself talking too much that I butt into everyone's conversation.. kind of annoying for me. And also because that morning I forgot to do one of my homeworks, that I totally crammed early that morning and slept for about 2 hrs. I still feel fine.. well that won't last long anyway... but I felt kind of energetic the rest of the morning.
• I don't know, the day started kind of peaceful, then a little controversial...at the flag cem.. and then, disappointing at the first few minutes of our class! I did expect things to happen.. I really did! But it gets confusing sometimes that things go the way you expect when you don't want it to happen... I never doubted myself on my performance and I knew it was kind of lousy... but nevertheless I kept a little faith in myself... very little.. but still there was that spark left to guide me throughout that horrible day.
• Well, so and so, the day continued, and so I grew tired... maybe because of the late night Ragnarok and cramming... but also because my head was thinking of too much stuff! Yeah... i guess that must have been it. Erm.. well actually, the week before this week, and also the week before that, this was all I could think of... this was all that I could regret and all that I thought I could change. Well other than rebirth just last week, cause I was so excited about it. =D Then, at the end of that day, our teacher gave us the final grades and all... my classmates knew that I was in such a bad mood... I couldn't help it.. it was all too much... maybe if I was still in the mood I had just that morning, I could have dealt with that problem easily... but no, I had to be too tired to frown, too annoyed to smile and too uneasy to find humor in everything. Well eventually I had to ease it all up, so I bought myself something to eat while walking as much as I could... but then our practice for Paskorus eventually led me to the girl's dorm. Singing did lift up my spirit a little, music was still the origin of my solitude and laughing was inevitable because people were so happy...
• But this isn't really the point why I even bothered to write this... it was just because during my idle moments, I often look back on what happened... and just a while ago... I tried as hard not to shed a single tear on whatever it was that I was thinking of... I mean... "sometimes things just get a little too confusing.." maybe because I have been wanting to cry it all out... just to take my mind of it... cause I know once it is out... it will never linger around my head and haunt me forever... but just this once... I didn't want it to.. I know I'm vulnerable, weak and all... you may call me all that, but I didn't want to face myself with that condition... yeah, I guess I thought it just made me foolish... just because I anticipated it already... a lot of times, but I was never able to face it as it really is... and I wanted to so badly... that I thought if I kept it, it wouldn't go away.. and it won't let me sleep peacefully until I was able to accept it as it is... and change it the way I should have. I guess, I am a fool... I am a blind one seeking comfort in my inability to see... or whatever. Maybe I am blind dreaming of the world beyond the darkness... but still unable to realize the solution to the imperfection. Maybe I am living in the comfort of only seeing my dreams... and not reaching each one. It is possible that I have spent a few minutes of my time enjoying what is within reach and not extending to the far galaxy that lies outside of us. Maybe you only think that I was able to realize this and change it... but it is in the knowing that we, ourselves take comfort in... these are some of those things that just get a little confusing at times... Maybe so...

I never really imagined myself writing about this junk... well, I had to write about it someday...
and one day, all will know.. but only a few will care.
then a few will tell... without believing it's there.
some might ponder about it... but they often give up 'coz it's too much to bear.
maybe some would ignore it... but would then use their knowledge and share.
who knows what the world will become... only He who made it.. can declare.
~

Promises end when we say it ends... - from friendster blog (2005.10.22)

Promises are mere commitments made when one is desperate to be secure in the situation one is facing or going to face...

• This promise has bothered me a lot of times this week... the promise of dedicating my time to one thing that means most to me... or rather that looks like it means most. Well, obviously I wasn't able to accomplish or keep this promise maybe because of a lot of things... but mostly because of my laziness and desires to do another thing.
  
• I woke up early this morning, thinking of what to do today... well I did plan the day to play ragnarok.. sadly I ended up playing it the whole day and missing out on a lot of things I "could" have done for my studies. Of course the whole day was dedicated to something... but it wasn't the same thing as I thought I was suppose to dedicate to... and if ever I write down the things that happened, it would all sound too boring... and lifeless...
  
• Its weird though... I always think of what I could have done and not what I would do... I know the consequences, but I rarely consider them... I accept the low grades but I often sulk about them... I say promises, but I often forget them and so I end up going too far that I give up on them... This is usually the time when I say it already ended... when in reality, I continue to make promises with the same purpose and keep ending it in the same way...
  
• I don't know... it just feels weird that I keep saying "I promised.." but then in the back of my mind I know this won't last long. Maybe that is why I keep promising... cause I don't believe in the promise I'm making.. but then how, how do I believe in it? how could I?...

This post seems weird.. but anyway, it's a post filled with "..." and "?" cause I really am like that right now... well I guess so. I didn't really adore "." when posting or even "!" cause it creates a little drama.. more of like a scandal... well anyway I end it here... maybe pure nonsense but still... I posted for the sake of posting something, rather unreasonable but better than not posting for something more unreasonable...

When the wind carries us... - from friendster blog (2005.10.15)

Usually I won't be seen hanging around doing nothing...

• But today is rather different, somehow it feels nice to do nothing. A couple of weeks has passed since I first posted something here. Well it is quite nice to stay away from the pc today. Our Intrams is now over, but I really learned a lot during that week of cheering for our team. It has been a while since I last shouted or screamed as loud as I could, so it was really fun doing it again. Last Sunday, it was rather fortunate that I was able to hear my sister play the piano again. I mean I haven't been that close to a piano since I quit playing it. And frankly, it didn't feel so good that I quit playing it, along with quitting violin and leaving our choir, just because school was demanding too much from me. I find it kind of selfish of me not to organize myself and find time for those things and still find time to get a hold of the computer and play ragnarok or watch television. So last Thursday, I felt happy touching the violin again and playing the piano without any hesitation of anyone hearing me. I didn't want anyone to show me how awful I played it, or how good they could play it, but at that time, I didn't care. I couldn't care less what they would think or feel... I guess I just missed it so much. So then since that day I tried to relive the songs I used to know and I found out I still know them. I mean I still know the songs my siblings used to play while I was waiting for them to finish. It was like that a long time ago, I would spend a few hours playing in our neighbor's backyard while they had their lessons. I missed it so much I couldn't let go of the memories. But unfortunately things happen... time passes us by and we grow out of our old faces. And also, we often forget to thank all the people around us, for everything they have done for us, just because I believe everything, every event, every person and every opportunity, plays a big role in all of our lives. Then when we learn that we could have acted better or treated them better, everything would have been alright, we start to remember these times. There are other times that it is too late, but some might say it is never over until you say it is over.
  
• Well, before that week I never really found my former classmate, as a person I could really relate to. But when she was the only one I could talk to when everyone else was so busy, I found out she was a great friend and I missed a whole year spending time with her. That is why I believe time passed by so fast that sometimes the wind carries us away from it. Well I guess that's part of life... but well I surely would have loved to know her better.
  
• So then I would procceed with what I did today. It was boring as usual, but I never expected a few minutes of my time to mean so much. When I went up to the fourth floor to watch the sunset or simply cool down a bit, I remembered the times I went up there. I remembered everything I disliked about my life before, then I wondered how much I've changed since I last went there. It was quite inspiring to see the sun, the clouds and mostly the sky. Everything was clear, even my mind, and everything seemed simple enough. As I went up to the water tank where there were no steel bars, or a roof, I remembered the Saturday nights I spent there, praying and doing nothing else but thinking and looking at the houses below. A little while ago, I didn't care about school, I didn't care about anything, I was just staring at the sky, wishing I could look at it forever... So when I went up, I didn't think of "what if I fall" or "what if I slip" I just went up for the sake of looking at the sky. I just went there and relax a bit. I was rather mentally exhausted by the perio week, but it felt good that I was up there, not in my room playing ragnarok, or cramming stuff, or using the internet. I was just there... When I was about to go down, I was a bit scared of course, I wasn't really inclined to going down from high places. Then I though to myself "why are we so afraid to go down?" Going down means a lot of things, figuratively the business part, or the falling from a building part, or the falling of grades part. It was really puzzling why... I mean it was so easy to go up, right? We actually want to go up, but then why resist going down? Why do every bad thing just to prevent us from falling? If you think about it, sometimes it isn't easy to go up once you are down, but didn't we all come from the down part? So why was I all bugged out about grades, when I knew that there is still a chance to raise it up again? I guess it is me, but then rationally, it isn't right to sulk about it that much.
  

So then I guess I would have to end this post again... and of course get on with school "again." 'Till next time then... btw: my last line is awkward, it is subject to change ^_^
~...sometimes time just passes us by...
...then some things happen...
...so we wonder why...
...and sometimes we feel broken...~

Just another day - from friendster blog (2005.10.01)

uhm... well I'm just testing this actually... I never really wanted to make one, I just couldn't find anything that I could do to relieve the thought of school and all...

• erm...i woke up earlier than last saturday, just to get to school for our tutorials, still 20 mins late and still drowsy. i never really liked waking up in the morning and starting the day with math... but i had to anyway, by the time i get there, all we do is take a test then discuss, test then discuss, then wait for the time and leave... boring as usual, not as exciting as saturday mornings used to be... just plain math with a little problems...
  just before leaving school, i get to talk to a few people i miss spending my time with... i don't really get to talk to them when we have classes, just because it was fate that we had different sections and different schedules... i miss them, but not so much as to i could die, neither could i think of spending another year with them maybe because i got used to my new section...
  
• upon leaving school, i get home, i eat lunch and the usual things i do when i get home... nothing unusual, nothing out of the ordinary... then of course i couldn't get to start studying because i would naturally watch tv first... then think of starting off to study... but loose the will to. this always happens after tutorials, this always happens when i think i can't take too much of it...
  
• then of course, time passes by... still i haven't finished a thing... i didn't do a thing... but i feel much much better, except for the fact that i totally wasted the whole afternoon doing nothing... which really gets me upset and thus makes me feel awful and causes my decline to study... and all over again i waste time... but i can't blame time right now... i musn't and i shouldn't...

well anyway i just don't know what to say... i mean i won't post stuff all the time, but i want to...
and as for studying...
~i'll leave it up to myself to decide...